TOURISTS' QUESTIONS ABOUT AUSTRALIA

we recently celebrated australia day

i thought it was apt

to share this with you

apparently, the questions below were posted

on an australian tourism website

and the answers are the actual responses

by the website officials

who obviously have a great sense of humour

(not to mention a low tolerance threshold for idiots!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.



Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ?
A: What did your last slave die of?



Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.



Q: Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, right after the hippo races. Come naked.



Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?


Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.



Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.



Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.



Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ?
A: Only at Christmas.


Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY - 26 JANUARY

today is australia day.

it's australia’s biggest annual day of celebrations.
it's the day we celebrate

being australian

all things australian

and how fortunate we are to live in this glorious country

it's a day of pride.

Australia is one of the most culturally and linguistically diverse nations on the planet

resulting from a diverse Indigenous heritage,

a British colonial past

and extensive immigration from many different countries and cultures

how lucky are we

to live here

some facts about australia

• 6th largest country in the world (7.6 million square kilometres)



• population of 20 million
  


• australia is the only nation to govern an entire continent



• one of the most urbanised and coastal-dwelling populations in the world. more than 80% live within 100 kms of the coast



• over 200 different languages and dialects are spoken (including 45 Indigenous languages)



• more than 7.5 million people attend australia day ceremonies nationally.

happy australia day!

RONAN KEATING

Last night, I was fortunate to see Ronan Keating in concert. It was a last minute invite. How lucky am I?! Thanks Mandi!

The night began with Tina Arena as the support act. What a voice! Tina’s set was perfect — a mix of the best material from her Songs of Love & Loss album plus her biggest hits — Chains, Sorrento Moon and Burn. Beautiful is the best way to describe them. She also sang some real classics like Oh Me Oh My, the hands-down killer version of To Sir with Love and my two favourites of the night - Now I Can Dance and the aching cover of Alice Cooper’s Only Women Bleed. WOW! Despite no longer living in Australia she continues to be one of our greatest vocal treasures.

Ronan Keating – what a nice guy with an equally powerful voice. His set list contained all the pop and ballad favourites, ranging from the solo hit which started it all — When You Say Nothing At All from the movie Notting Hill — to Life Is a Rollercoaster, If Tomorrow Never Comes, a cover of Time After Time and I Love It When We Do. Ronan’s themes of love, devotion and longing for home pervaded. His lyrics speak straight to the heart. His strength is that he sings the songs which are moment-makers in his fans’ lives — the wedding waltz, your song, the proposal, a song for mum or one simply for love. It wasn’t all about the ballads though, as the moments to dance came with songs like the jubilant Lovin’ Each Day.
It was a treat to see Ronan Keating and Tina Arena share the stage for Last Thing on My Mind.
Off his new album Stay, Ronan chose the title track and a great version of Paul Simon’s Homeward Bound. Most moving was his thanks for the love he received while in Australia late last year to promote Stay, just after the death of friend and Boyzone mate Stephen Gately. “If I’m going to go anywhere and lift my spirits, it was Australia,” Ronan told the crowd. “I swear to God, thank you from the bottom of my heart.” A smile just kept creeping on to his face all night. In the encore, he went for the unexpected — a cover of Midnight Oil’s seminal Beds Are Burning. The audience roared their approval at another first for Ronan. From the look on Ronan Keating’s face and beaming smiles from the audience, both sides were well satisfied with the outcome.

what a great concert!